Sunday, January 25, 2009
Don't Know
I'm not sure what type of promoter Moto was using, but attracting the old face painter crowd shouldn't have been in the business plan.
UBES is going downhill quickly
What is going on here. Yinzer, Nigzer, & Bin Laden...?
UBES' clubbing is falling off a cliff.
Dog Chain 'Stache
This is Noodles financial backer, Big Wayne, and this MF is smooth. Animal print, indoor shading, looking correct, thinking about doing a solid on her chest.
Monday, January 19, 2009
UBEshadow
UBES always out does himself. Personally, I think the eyeshadow is much less gay/bi-queerious than the nose ring. How old is this guy getting?
Yinzaster
Did you detect Yinz with the ponytail, chain, flavor saver, rhinos, or the double cap and egg primani chin?
Bottom left: "There is a two bottle minimum in our interracial gang bang room... and yes we are the only place in the world that charges $15 to get in and allows jean shorts."
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Graphic Tees
Are graphic tees in weird colors that look like shit was spilled on them still cool? Of course, this is outside the DJ world because they are dressing for their audience. I don't know who made this cool, but it was probably the same guy who got throwback jerseys going. Looking like this has few non-homosexual rewards.
Buddha in the bare
Buddha needs a life coach. This picture accurately captures the baggery that we face out there.
It starts with gateway drugs, and leads to posting nude pictures of yourself on MySpace. In the middle there are lots of overweight women who like to get donkey punched while watching midget porn. No question there are a couple burritos in the mix, but the real vice has to be blow. He thinks he's famous for unknown reasons.
Kids, even though they're fun, stay away from hard drugs.
It starts with gateway drugs, and leads to posting nude pictures of yourself on MySpace. In the middle there are lots of overweight women who like to get donkey punched while watching midget porn. No question there are a couple burritos in the mix, but the real vice has to be blow. He thinks he's famous for unknown reasons.
Kids, even though they're fun, stay away from hard drugs.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Mushroom Man
This guy pops up everywhere, what a moto. Good looks on getting a picture taken with a painted stripper. That one plays well with your kiosk cell phone sales job.'
This guy reminds me of a mix between a big faggot and a little faggot. I'm leaning towards the little side. The pointing at the camera wins him Moto of the Week. Do you think he walks around screaming, 'money ain't a thang.. bitches.. where the hoes?' This is total speculation but he may be running train on some of these painted broads with Ron Noodles. He tries the dog in the bathtub, while Noodles just face crams three painted girls as UBES smears Steeler paint all over them and rams everyone in sight with a bottle of GreyGoose . Then in comes Mr. Ridiculous, who proceeds to blow lines off the assholes of everyone in sight. Okay enough, sorry. In the most non-gay way possible, I'd kind of like to see that.
It took some searching, but we found them via Buddha. Thanks man, keep it up... homo.
This guy reminds me of a mix between a big faggot and a little faggot. I'm leaning towards the little side. The pointing at the camera wins him Moto of the Week. Do you think he walks around screaming, 'money ain't a thang.. bitches.. where the hoes?' This is total speculation but he may be running train on some of these painted broads with Ron Noodles. He tries the dog in the bathtub, while Noodles just face crams three painted girls as UBES smears Steeler paint all over them and rams everyone in sight with a bottle of GreyGoose . Then in comes Mr. Ridiculous, who proceeds to blow lines off the assholes of everyone in sight. Okay enough, sorry. In the most non-gay way possible, I'd kind of like to see that.
It took some searching, but we found them via Buddha. Thanks man, keep it up... homo.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Time Bomb
Hilarious, TIME BOMB fashion show.
"There is a large hip-hop community in Pittsburgh, and Time Bomb is well-known among that community," says Katie Maillis, women's clothing buyer for Time Bomb, who's in charge of the show.
One problem with this: THEY DONT HAVE ANY MONEY
"There is a large hip-hop community in Pittsburgh, and Time Bomb is well-known among that community," says Katie Maillis, women's clothing buyer for Time Bomb, who's in charge of the show.
One problem with this: THEY DONT HAVE ANY MONEY
Moto Sucks
"Guidos everywhere grinding so hard i thought their pants were going to catch on fire"
http://www.yelp.com/biz/moto-pittsburgh#hrid:_ytPswHOOkclyzRosB8AjA
http://www.yelp.com/biz/moto-pittsburgh#hrid:_ytPswHOOkclyzRosB8AjA
Burgh Bag Questions
Are you wearing short pants or long shorts? Is that a wife beater that your baby momma is wearing?
She's chaining Newports while pushing the stroller, really?
Weren't gold teeth cool in the 90's?
Where exactly is Munhall?
You're 36 trying to make it in the hip-hop game?
You have season Steeler tickets but you collect government cheese?
Yes, meth is a nasty habit, but in front of the kids?
Have you ever blown Ron Noodles?
Has Ron Noodles ever blown you?
She's chaining Newports while pushing the stroller, really?
Weren't gold teeth cool in the 90's?
Where exactly is Munhall?
You're 36 trying to make it in the hip-hop game?
You have season Steeler tickets but you collect government cheese?
Yes, meth is a nasty habit, but in front of the kids?
Have you ever blown Ron Noodles?
Has Ron Noodles ever blown you?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Olympic Camel Toe
My lord, Leryn Franco, even Ron Noodles' would knock the dust of of this South American
slore. (Ron, the albums sales will pick up).
Friday, August 15, 2008
Lord Helmet & MMAigger
Lord Helmet on the left is clearly the least of bag in this situation, but we'll get to him.
El Alcalde is correct when he states that we are fighting an uphill battle when it comes to mocking douche. There is so much product out there, and only so many hours in a day.
MMAigger is your cookie cutter, from the deep South Hills, grew up riding BMX and smoking swag while his mom was bagging perogies at Kuhn's, did a little time in juvy for a forceful V-Card cramming a 12 year old when he was 15 homo. He started training for MMA fights 2 years ago at age 23 because he heard bitches in California dig fight guys. What did he do? First he quit working at Jiffy Lube, then threw away the A&F gear, and went to the library in Carnegie, and Goolged the shit out of 'MMA guy from Cali not gay'. Unfortunately, he didn't realize you don't put gay in a Google search, and his look involves a FrotoBaggins looking fuck we'll call Lord Helmet due to how far down the forehead his hairline goes. He's chucking a weak deuce, and convinced MMAigger that the two earnings he got at Clarie's in South Hills Village mall weren't gay. Oh, how wrong.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Back and Whack
Moto is clearly on to our little mock, thus there is no more fresh product available on their site. We've had to turn to Ubes for material...problem is he is such a bag there is too much to comb through... Moto was concentrated, and had a lot of Noodles.
Good news.. though, we've got a couple seriously troubled fucks to rip on. Big C and Buhhda
Big C was a frequent target of ours in the past due to his security duty at Moto and the level of homo it takes to perform said duties. We ran into Big C on the North Shore, and he looks fake. I'm not sure what that means but he's weird.
Buhhda: I don't know what this guy's fucking deal is but he talks about how everyone is making him famous. I dont know what for but please note the contact info: MOBILE: 412.977.7362
EMAIL: notoriousbuddha@gmail.com/chopperfucker@verizon.net
CHOPPERFUCKER@Verizon.net...... I'm not 'dahn' with the bike scene or the 30+ VIP scene but can you fuck choppers? By the way he has a whole photo shoot of his with great poses, but again no confirm on why the bag thinks it don't stink. Most of commonly we see some sort of rap game motivation for the lifestyle... doesn't appear to be the motive here. I need to do more research but I'm getting quite a strong ping from my GayDar on the one. If there is one thing I've learned over the years... trust your GayDar... if there is a ping... there's something out there.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Drama at Moto
We hear there is a management shake up at Moto:
Our spies say the disagreement went something like this :
DB1 Mario: 'Hey we're getting too old for this shit."
DB2 Reacho: 'What"
"I got a shirt with wings and three dudes trying to smoke me in the VIP"
DB1: What?
DB2: 'Dude"
DB1: "I quit"
DB1: "Can you spell that"
The new management team of Jerome and Jerome are taking over
Our spies say the disagreement went something like this :
DB1 Mario: 'Hey we're getting too old for this shit."
DB2 Reacho: 'What"
"I got a shirt with wings and three dudes trying to smoke me in the VIP"
DB1: What?
DB2: 'Dude"
DB1: "I quit"
DB1: "Can you spell that"
The new management team of Jerome and Jerome are taking over
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Noodles Promotional Photos
Noodles people sent these promo pics for the new album. They look pretty ganster. Yes, thats him getting his hoop on while riding a Pittsburgh bus. Pretty baller. The sunglasses are something I would expect from Ubes, but the Skull belt buckle is the real badge of baggery here. What a fuckin tool. Ron lose the puffy paint hats and metalic garb, it looks worse than the outlook for your rap career.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
???????/
I don't even know what context this could be taking place in. Is she passed out and he's thinking about the 'dead horse'? Pineapple, Steelers, nose rings, England, date rape drugs... I think the one underlying theme here is Meth. 
Birdman & Ubes
Welcome Ubes' boy Birdman. 
A new spin on the chucked deuce, the bird call... gotta respect it but certainly not him.
A new spin on the chucked deuce, the bird call... gotta respect it but certainly not him.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Barilla The Hun
Ronnie,
I hope you don't mind if I call you Ronnie, Ronnie. I agree very much with Reacho that you do not necessarily meet our demographic of dobaggers. However, you carry yourself like your caucasian counterparts so well. Why do you feel the need to revel in such douchebaggery?
Putting aside the inverted peace signs and cohorting with Duquesne slores that forgot to push themselves away from the plate of periogies one too many times; we must look at the most obvious attribute to your d-bagness: Fashion. Bro, you look like a walking billboard for a Wilmer Valderrama Punk'd skit. Your sense reeks of boy band garb meets hood-rat wannabe. You dress like a 14 year old kid going to a Hanna Montana concert. I bet you a rock a pair of rollies in the VIP at Moto as well. You look like your at least 37. Retire the mesh trucker hat with sequins that you picked up for $10 on Canal Street and start looking your age Noods. I am starting to see why you cover up with these attrocious-looking dome pieces. Your receding-Caesar cut is becoming more and more wack. Let it go bro and just Bic it. It's time to succumb to the realization of becoming older.
I hope this little bit of knowledge will allow to tweak your game a bit, and maybe we'll go a little bit easier you with the Mock. However, if you continue to put out lame-ass tracks like you've been, you may find you and your grouce on here forever.
I hope you don't mind if I call you Ronnie, Ronnie. I agree very much with Reacho that you do not necessarily meet our demographic of dobaggers. However, you carry yourself like your caucasian counterparts so well. Why do you feel the need to revel in such douchebaggery?
Putting aside the inverted peace signs and cohorting with Duquesne slores that forgot to push themselves away from the plate of periogies one too many times; we must look at the most obvious attribute to your d-bagness: Fashion. Bro, you look like a walking billboard for a Wilmer Valderrama Punk'd skit. Your sense reeks of boy band garb meets hood-rat wannabe. You dress like a 14 year old kid going to a Hanna Montana concert. I bet you a rock a pair of rollies in the VIP at Moto as well. You look like your at least 37. Retire the mesh trucker hat with sequins that you picked up for $10 on Canal Street and start looking your age Noods. I am starting to see why you cover up with these attrocious-looking dome pieces. Your receding-Caesar cut is becoming more and more wack. Let it go bro and just Bic it. It's time to succumb to the realization of becoming older.
I hope this little bit of knowledge will allow to tweak your game a bit, and maybe we'll go a little bit easier you with the Mock. However, if you continue to put out lame-ass tracks like you've been, you may find you and your grouce on here forever.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Open Letter to Ron Noodles
Noods,
We are proposing a truce. Here's the deal, we'll cease the mock if you post a song about MotoMock on your MySpace. We would expect it to be extremely negative.. which is well deserved, but its your world. We actually like your style, and respect the rap game. Well, not really but I'm trying here. We may even pump 'Idiot or Genius'.
To be honest you don't fit our demographic. Our bread and butter is white Abercrombie G-Unit Yinzer-Bags. The Plug is our target market, his brodder a bulls eye.
We look forward to your acceptance. -Greg Money
We are proposing a truce. Here's the deal, we'll cease the mock if you post a song about MotoMock on your MySpace. We would expect it to be extremely negative.. which is well deserved, but its your world. We actually like your style, and respect the rap game. Well, not really but I'm trying here. We may even pump 'Idiot or Genius'.
To be honest you don't fit our demographic. Our bread and butter is white Abercrombie G-Unit Yinzer-Bags. The Plug is our target market, his brodder a bulls eye.
We look forward to your acceptance. -Greg Money
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Basick Sickness
Moto of the week doesn't go to Ronny Maccaroni or The Plug... its Basick Sickness.
BS is a classic bag/not a bag. On the bag hand he looks like he just found out the results of his paternity test with the Krispy Kreme girl while simultaneously shaving with a lawn mower.. and I'll be honest the chain doesn't help.
On the non-bag hand, he gives Plasma for heroin .. respect the habit... and he's passionate about his musical craft.... now his craft is horrible but we're throwing snow at an Eskimo here. The bag outweighs the non in this case, he's sick alright.
He joins the newly formed Moto Wack Pack w/ Ronny Mac and The Plug. Keep it up, we'll pour you a drink in VIP friday.
Brudder 'O Plugg
Your lack of written communication skills has left me with nothing to Mock
I found you family Christmas card from last year… sweet
I found you family Christmas card from last year… sweet
Macaroni Man
"Mr. twista deck T noodles"
Dude… you're peaced. You don't "get money"…
You do;
-chase yinzer brats
-wear hoodies made out of tin foil
-use a bedazzler on your hats---http://mybedazzler.com
Get your own style and stop recycling the shit you saw on MTV in '05. You're calling yourself a lyricist but can't type a coherent or witty thought. I can see you're really into some next level shit now… bubble-gum rap and wearing women's sunglasses. You're pushing 40, wishing that you has some spark of originality and creativity…ain't happening dood.
Get your GED, maybe I'll let you answer my phone and call in my lunch orders.
Dude… you're peaced. You don't "get money"…
You do;
-chase yinzer brats
-wear hoodies made out of tin foil
-use a bedazzler on your hats---http://mybedazzler.com
Get your own style and stop recycling the shit you saw on MTV in '05. You're calling yourself a lyricist but can't type a coherent or witty thought. I can see you're really into some next level shit now… bubble-gum rap and wearing women's sunglasses. You're pushing 40, wishing that you has some spark of originality and creativity…ain't happening dood.
Get your GED, maybe I'll let you answer my phone and call in my lunch orders.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Noodles is Wack
Ron, you got no game. Sorry brah. Ugly chicks and euro-burghers????
how old are you , like 34?
Your not gonna be the next 50 cent unless you get shot... get going on it.
Hova
Hova, dont be pissed that we called your brother out on being a douchebag. If that is your "brother", where are you? Let me guess, probably in the background throwing the inverted peace sign while slipping a roofy to a krispy kreme yinzerbrat.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The Plug is pissed
Looks like The Plug is pissed. We apologize. Please let us know where we can find more pictures of you, we would like to make it up by writing a nice mock.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Hand Job
Exhibit A is a picture of Odd-Job from the James Bond movies. He was able to use his hat as a weapon and he knew kung-fu.
Exhibit B looks kind of like Odd-Job, but he's fatter, gayer, and way clubbier. We've nick-named him "Hand-Job" because thats what he's providing to Ubes in this picture. He has no real skills other than being able to wax Ubes's balls and the only thing he can do with his hat is look like a total douchebag. He's wearing some used toliet paper as a necktie, which is really sharp and it goes well with his medallion. According to Ubes, the little tweedle-cock in the background is wacking off. Ubes really is like a god to these poor unfortunate souls, if god wore white suits and pink undershirts. Even Don Johnson can't get away with that shit anymore.
Exhibit B looks kind of like Odd-Job, but he's fatter, gayer, and way clubbier. We've nick-named him "Hand-Job" because thats what he's providing to Ubes in this picture. He has no real skills other than being able to wax Ubes's balls and the only thing he can do with his hat is look like a total douchebag. He's wearing some used toliet paper as a necktie, which is really sharp and it goes well with his medallion. According to Ubes, the little tweedle-cock in the background is wacking off. Ubes really is like a god to these poor unfortunate souls, if god wore white suits and pink undershirts. Even Don Johnson can't get away with that shit anymore.
"I wanted to do hoodrat stuff w/ my friend"
Not related.. but sort of. Is the name a give away?
HERE IS THE FOLLOW UP!
HERE IS THE FOLLOW UP!
DoBag
Dr. DoBag is a front runner for Moto Wigger of the Year. He is being honored daily as I cry laughing at his pictures, but the formal presentation will be in near future. At SneakerVilla or something.
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